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Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Being Tough and Family Names

    Everyone has a home, and a family. Everyone has to belong somewhere. Everyone needs an identity. How do you identify yourself?
    I've been reading a book my sister brought home called Garden Spells. It's an interesting little story- an easy read that doesn't take too much time. I'm enjoying it. One of the main themes is family identity. The characters are all defined by who their families are. "Waverly's are all like that..." sort of thing.
    I took it for granted, but I've recently realized that it's a major theme in my life. I've always identified myself by my last name- which I'll go through pains to disguise in this entry. Sorry.

    My brother is currently serving in Iraq, and he had to leave his family behind. He talks to his 4 year old daughter and tells her not to be sad, not to miss him too much, that she has to be tough. She hangs onto that because she wants Daddy to know she can be tough. She has to be so he can come back.

    I hear of an exchange between her and my mom over the phone. She misses her Daddy and she's afraid he won't come back. My mom tells her, of course he's coming back. We miss him too, but we have to be tough. My niece says, "I can't be tough." And my mom tells her, "Of course you can, you're an M. M's are always tough."

    Do you feel a strong identification with your family name? What traits do you think your family is identified by?

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Thursday, 08 October 2009

  • Poor Moon

         The snow was falling all around me. The trees, in their white blankets, shed the weight of winter like feathers from an old hen. It's the way with these lonely nights, they find ways of creeping up your jacket, along your spine- and the stars are quiet witnesses to it all. This darkness, I know, would surely swallow me were it not for the Moon. Though blinding and cold, she catches me before I fall.
         The Mistress of these skies, she sings to me, but a song that is full of tears. She is cold at night, abandoned by her shining star. She reaches down to touch me with frozen fingers, frightened, shaking and weak. She is more alone than I am, yet she comforts me, pleading that I do not give my heart away as she did.
         My misguided footsteps tread on twigs frigid with cold. They snap alarmingly in the silence. The whispering of the trees is hushed by the shivering of their branches. This howling solitude will rob us all of sleep, but for the better, perhaps, lest we dream.
         I walk tenderly onto a frozen pond, but it jerks suddenly, throwing me on my back with spite in its embrace. I lie there upon the ice, my fingers tracing patterns along its smooth surface. I'll have to forgive it, I decide, for I know it's not itself tonight. Perhaps this is where my journey is meant to end.
         The snow, still falling heavily, no longer melts upon my skin as it settles in to cover me. Funny, I've never felt so close to anything before this moment, blanketed by the snow and the shadows of the trees above me. I smile at the moon, and tell her not to worry. She's sad to see me go, but I promise not to leave.
         Hollow, and already dreaming, I finally fall asleep.

         Eh, it's not the best. But it was time for an update.

Saturday, 05 September 2009

  • Confetti

    Or rather, confessions. It's going around and I got caught up in it. I've decided to join in the fun since I'm obviously not writing anything else lately. So here are 10 (or more) random facts about myself.

    1. I meditate on a regular basis. Not just thinking, (which I also do, though somewhat irregularly) but the whole sitting cross-legged in a corner, searching for inner peace and balance type thing. It's a nice practice.

    2. People seem to think of me as mysterious and intimidating because I very nearly hate talking about myself. Part of the reason is that I don't like people to know about me. It makes me vulnerable to future attacks - as paranoid as that is - so I try very hard to avoid it. The other part of not liking to talk about myself is not liking to make others listen because, deep down, some part of me feels like it's an inconvenience to others to have to burden themselves with unnecessary knowledge of me.

    3. When I was very young, I was in love with the neighbor boy who was probably about seven years older than I was. I tried to convince him to marry me one day and, surprisingly, he didn't laugh at me. Instead, he picked flowers for me the next day.

    4. I used to love country music before I fell into the grunge of the 90's, then into alternative rock, then into metal of all sorts, then into classic rock, then into jazz and blues, into indie... Now I love just about everything but country music.

    5. I'm in a funny spot in my life where nothing ever feels right.

    6. I know this confession could be the end of me, but I have to get it off my chest. I admit... that I have read the Twilight series, and yes, I even enjoyed aspects of it. And I may, or may not, have had one or several dreams involving Edward Cullen... Yes. I am ashamed.

    7. I taught myself how to ride a bike without training wheels when I was six or seven.

    8. When I was a little'un, I loved horseback riding. I would go to a friends house where, in the evenings,  they would let me sit on the horses bareback. On one such evening, the lady who owned the horses and I were watching the sunset and she said, "I love sunsets. They always make me feel closer to God." And still, I love sitting on a horse bareback, and I love sunsets more for what she said about them.

    9. In eighteen years, I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about that confession. There have been quite a few boys who really wanted to be my boyfriend, but I never let them for fear that they would become damaged in the process.

    10. I look up to my brothers more than any other people. More than Ghandi, even. Maybe not Jesus... but it comes close. I'm fairly certain that nobody can ever manage to be as cool as either one of them, and certainly not as cool as both of them combined. It simply can't be done.

    Bonus: I am terribly insecure about my writing.
    BONUS bonus!: I...... have a crush on Captain Jack Sparrow. Really. Forget Orlando Bloom. There's just no comparison.


    That's it. :)
    Now you have read it, it is up to YOU to carry on and write your own confessions for prying eyes.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

  • Taking it all in, I realize I am no closer to the answer. I walk in a mindless place of self, where I am surrounded by sand dunes. One after the other, I climb to the top only to find I am still trapped, and the sound of the waves is as distant as ever.

ForTheDreamless

  • Visit ForTheDreamless's Xanga Site
    • Name: Dreamless
    • Member Since: 8/11/2007

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  • For you, it is easy.

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  • ForTheDreamless
    @deepak91g - My pleasure :)
  • deepak91g
    Thanks For your comment and subscribing.
  • kabi_tanti
    Its okay.No need to say sorry.Better late then never.Catch u later. Sayonara
  • kabi_tanti
    thanks for accepting my invitation.
  • Darkchicana
    Hey! Thanks for the comment. I knew there was more I was forgetting, but STI's are definitely a huge detterent when it comes to teen pregnancy and promiscuous sex-capades (lol).